"nope" is just "open" with the "n" in the wrong place

by Shoeshine Pickens (and the Hospital Bombers!)

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released August 1, 2009

lauren "the dipper" shows: ringin' and singin,' bad synth vibraphone, yard sale-grade xylophone for babies, a couple of ukes and a real bad attitude, if you ask me.

lyrical expertise from matthew "matt miller" miller appears courtesy of his mom.

(special vocal assistance from leah irby and dayle stidham on a special track that you will only hear if you DOWNLOAD THIS WHOLE THING. or if you find it elsewhere on the world wide web.)

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Shoeshine Pickens (and the Hospital Bombers!) Yellow Springs, Ohio

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Track Name: bad haircut
if i
bit my nails incessantly
and had a secret affinity
for mtv
if i used up every last drop
of the hot water
if my red shirt turned your underpants pink
if i never washed the dishes in the kitchen sink
if i never stopped quoting lines
from harry potter
if i left my clothes on the floor
if i looked like dudley moore

would you still love me if i had a bad haircut?
would you still run your fingers through it?
would you still wanna hear me sing
if i sounded like stephen hawking?
would you still love me if i had a bad haircut?

well if i talked too much about lovin' cheese
and i laughed too loud at the movies
if i was messy, yeah
and sometimes i picked my nose
well darlin', we both know it's true
that i'm not half as rad as you
yeah, you're a peach
you're a ten
and everybody knows
maybe i'm a smidge insecure
but you're my favorite, that's for sure

would you still love me if i had a bad haircut?
would you still run your fingers through it?
would you still wanna roll with me
if i acted like gary busey?
would you still love me if i had a bad haircut?

would you still love me if i had a bad haircut?
would you still run your fingers through it?
would you still be mon chere
if i had john oates' facial hair?
would you still love me if i had a bad haircut?

(would you love me
would you hug me
if all your friends said that i was fugly?
would you need me
would you feed me
if my hairline started to recede me?
would you tease me
would you squeeze me
if i had a topical disease-y?
would you love me
would you love me
would you love me if i had a bad haircut?)
Track Name: my mom is (ecto) cooler than yours
twelve o'clock, the lunch bell rings
we file down the hall, and my heart sings
headed to the cafetorium
where the floors smell of bleach
and they stick like gum

it's lunch time now, and lunch time rocks
i got my hand on my mario lunch box
we stare at the light to let us know
red light, yellow, green light go!

it's time to grab some grub
and my mom packed me this awesome sub
no, timmy, i don't wanna switch
for your grody bologna sandwich

'cause

between the lettuce
there's love letters
and in the sandwiches
there's good wishes
they say, "i love you bunches."
these are the highlights of my lunches

now, timmy, don't you get so mad
just because your mom's not quite as rad
with my sandwich in fourths
it's obvious that she's ecto-cooler than yours

yeah, my mom is so cool
yesterday i got a pizza lunchable
she's got black belts in patty melts
she is the lunch time master, no one passed her

read this post-it note prose
it's got my name with x's and with o's
'cause my mom's the shiznit
so take your capri sun and suck it
suck it

beneath the fruit cups
and the fruit roll-ups
she sends me hugs
and hot chocolate in travel mugs
i love her bunches
she makes such awesome lunches

yeah, my mom is the best
gives me skittles when i ace my spelling test
yeah, my mom's the bomb
never sends me tuna or salami
my mom is great
always puttin' good stuff on my plate
my mom is the bomb
yeah, my mom is the bomb
the bomb dot com

now timmy, can you say the same?
your peanut butter sandwich is just so lame
but my mom packed me a chicken patty
and i bet my dad can beat up your daddy
Track Name: bailey bridge tea party
on her couch, in her house
a blank word hanging from his foreign mouth
she didn't know him
who the hell was he man?
oh the gall
oh the audacity
when he laughed at she

her clip-on earrings and his fingerless gloves
a girl with her eyes caught in planets above
and upstart young cowboy wannabe
love
was eminent

but in her driveway, in his car
her best months spent and his best hat on
she tried to keep him, said
"who the hell are you, man?"
oh the gall
the downright audacity
he's crying, not she

she's a real good girl, but he's a restless one
now the curtain's rent, and the harm is done
and he tries to give her his reasons for running
the boy is full of it

on the grass, her backyard
the night swirls purple, the ground is hard
she still don't believe him

'cause on a bridge in florida
he tried to give her his fishing pole
he tried to give her his warmest coat
he tried to give her his face hung low

he tried to give her her favorite tea
he tried to give her the better seat
he tried to give her his trembling arm
he tried to give her his piecemeal heart
Track Name: hayley and ian (are sweethearts)
hayley sits
pretty as a postcard
of a dusky beach in june
in the middle of the choir room

ian sees
and maybe she don't know him
but pretty soon she'll know him
and the freshman quartet sings a warm-up tune

hayley sits
like cinderella
in her best dress, she's a princess
gives a short rest to the form
her feet have carried

ian kneels
breath in throat, surprise in hand
hayley stands, hand on mouth
"hellz yeah!" she says
now my sister's getting married

and the stars line up
and people love each other
and i'm glad that soon
i'll have a sister and a brother

ian is gonna
take her name away
and if hayley says
that's okay
then it's okay with me, baby
they're gonna make
a real bad-ass family
make a home done up in blue
and sing and dance so
put another dime in the jukebox, hayley

and when you're old
hearing aids and hand canes
sweet 'n low
in your iced tea
you'll still enjoy each other's company
still rock the clarinets
the sweet duets
still hold hands
still play rock band
you'll both still like you
as much as i do

the stars get right in line
and people love each other
and i'm glad that soon
i'll have a sister and a brother

so good luck
full speed ahead
just know
there'll never be another two
adorable jerks i'd want
for my sister and my brother